Do you know why she stayed? I do.
My website/cover designer, co-author and friend, Kat Murphy/KJ Harrowick and her business partner Kasey Rogers are launching an initiative to help women in domestic and financial abuse situations. Here’s part of a recent email from Kat:
"...With their safety as our first priority, our mission is to get them the necessary resources and information to empower these women to break free of the abuse and change their lives.
As part of our initial strategy to raise awareness of this issue, and the initiative, we are putting out a call to everyone we know to help us spread the word via the #iknowwhyshestayed hashtag on social media sites. If you’re interested in raising awareness, here’s how you can help:
1. Write down the words “I know why she stayed” with a handwritten sign or a digital image. Snap a picture of yourself holding the sign (or just the sign - no one needs to share their own faces) and post it to any social media using the hashtag #iknowwhyshestayed.
2. Like and share one another’s posts to help boost engagement and interaction.
3. Talk to other women and ask them to do the same, or just sit down and listen to their stories. Sometimes you can save a life just by listening.
…I am a survivor of financial and domestic abuse. In fact, by the time I was seventeen years old, I was already in debt and my future as an athlete had been stripped away by someone I both loved and feared. I’ll be telling my story later this year.
Kasey Rogers and I have created the I Know Why She Stayed Initiative and an IndieGoGo Campaign to help us deliver FREE resources and information to women in a way that will help keep them safe from their abusers. We will continue to share information about this initiative in the coming weeks."
Kat's email continues... "I’m asking for help to begin spreading this message. As women, many of us already know the answer to why someone stays in a domestic violence situation, and the answer is never simple.
Last note: If you’d like to support this cause with an image, but don’t feel safe sharing from your personal social media accounts, please send a copy of the photo to contactus@iknowwhyshestayed.org and we’ll be happy to share it on the initiative’s social media pages without using your name."
~Kat Murphy / K. J. Harrowick
So why did “she” stay? Every situation is different yet some reasons remain true to all of them.
It’s not because she deserved what she got. It’s not because she truly loved him although she thought she did.
It’s because she believed him.
She believed she wasn’t good enough.
She believed he only did it because he cared about her and he knew what was best.
She believed it was all her fault because he told her it was and why would he ever lie to her? And she was afraid.
Abuse is an insidious creature. The more it happens, the more you accept it. Even if deep down inside you know it’s wrong. For me the abuse was not financial–that was the one thing I knew how to manage. But it was damaging all the same. It was what I call “emotional blackmail” and I believed every word of it, so much so that I started seeing a therapist to help me figure out what was wrong with me. I was shocked when he told me it was nothing wrong with me. It took me three years to believe it and when I did, I was pissed and I finally did something to stop it.
So here’s my advice:
If you know someone who stays/stayed, support them. That might be just by listening, by affirming her worth, by steering her to the resources she needs.
If you are someone who stays/stayed, share your story. Find someone who will listen and believe. Someone who can help you find your courage and take control of your life.
I know why she stayed.
Do you?
*feature image used with permission
Susannah Willey Writes 