My Evolving Higher Power

I’ve been reading John Pavlovitz’s If God is Love, Don’t be a Jerk. Like some other non-fiction books I’ve read lately, I’ve found it interesting and thought-provoking. I was intrigued to find that the evolution of Mr. Pavlovitz’s beliefs are similar to my own journey in faith.

When I was a child, my family attended a local Methodist church whose Sunday sermons often amounted to a hellfire and brimstone account of how we were all sinners and going to hell.

At least that’s how I interpreted it.

I didn’t understand it. In Sunday School we were taught that God is love. How could He be both? And, more importantly, why? But the pastor was convincing, and his description of God defined my beliefs.

This image of an angry, punishing God was so ingrained in me that when I, as an adult, confronted that belief and tried to alter it I found I couldn’t do it. Eventually, I had to set aside the God of my childhood, and create a new image of a God who didn’t scare me to death.

This new image was more like a kindly grandfather who shared his wisdom and provided a safe place for me. He didn’t judge—rather he taught me, in patient, grandfatherly ways. When frightening images from my past intruded I was able to feel safe sitting on his lap, like I did with my own grandfather when I was little.

I share all this in response to Mr. Pavlovitz’s assertion that our relationship with God expands and grows with us, morphing into something that will always be influenced by our childhood experiences but is a far wider understanding than the narrow idea of an “all-powerful, all-punishing” God.

For me this growth has been a very personal journey, as are my thoughts about religion and a higher power. I don’t often share it, and I would never expect someone else to change their beliefs to fit mine. Why? Because your beliefs are your own, and are very likely as personal as mine. Who am I to tell you your truth in wrong? And I would expect you would respect my beliefs in the same way.

In the meantime, I recommend Mr. Pavlovitz’s book. Read it. It might make you reexamine your long-held beliefs as well.

^{*feature image credit}